A Quiet Day of Memories

May 20th, 1996 my brother Jacob died and our lives changed forever. Today I wish I were there to give hugs to Mom, Dad, Grandmother, Grandfather, and my brothers. I miss you Bubba.

Relax, Smile and Breathe

(by the way, I just discovered the "title" field)

Today I'm not quite feeling myself. After some frustrating work, I had to get outside. Although I did have a very nice phone call with my Dad, we don't get to talk much on the phone. We took the dogs to the creek and they ran through the tall grass oblivious to the rain. Even though two of them are older dogs, they still run like puppies; galloping with ears and tongues flapping up and down from the stride. It never gets old, it always makes me laugh. Little mama Lucille had to stay home today because I wasn't up to carrying her through the rough spots and up the hill. So we all quietly snuck out the back door, leaving her sleeping next to the wood stove that was fired back up today after a chilly snap.

I have given myself permission to take the night off from the to-do list. It's been a rough week with numerous and unexpected frustrating tasks. I am trying so hard to get along without my friends back home and didn't realize how much I depended on them for home computer help. They are just some of the most amazing friends. The absolute last thing I want to do when I get off of work is try to figure out how to get 2 scanners working and how to network my computers. I want to start a scanning project at night, but want to work on the more economical lap top some and turn the big computer off. I don't care about learning how to fix computer problems, I am so uninterested in computers and have no idea what I'm doing. I know software, but I don't know Microsoft very well and have never had to. So I have been working on that every night and I just want it to work!! Please just let me turn it on and work. After reading blahbedeblah for days I had to get outside and get away from it.

I felt like I needed a break, so I just took it. Otherwise, I feel, your body gets sick and forces you to take a break. So, tonight, I'll relax by the woodstove and maybe stretch some. I'll think about the trees I touched and smelled today and just breathe.

Here is Lolli posing next to the blow up dog house that we are going to give away since the cats don't really need it anymore, it leaks and I need the room. The other picture is little mama Lucille after stealing a bone from Vincent that he found. I made her give it back after I grabbed the camera. She walks like a robot when she is carrying something and it's so funny. If I ever figure out how to edit video and post, I will. Maybe we'll find someone soon that will trade some work or home cooking for computer help. Hey that gives me an idea! I think I do. :-)

There is a light, cool rain tonight tapping on the metal roof. There are 3 corners of the house that weren't finished off properly when the new roof was put on and we had 3 bird families chirping away today. It is the most incredible sound, you can pick out the parent and the babies. It echoes through the giant beams and spaces hidden just under the sheet rock of the ceiling.

There are now 8 out of 11 apple grafts that have taken. I just feel so excited as their leaf buds get bigger every day. I know one day they will provide delicious apples for all who are there for many years to come.

I found out there is a momma duck sitting on a clutch of eggs in the stream at Crooked Creek. She is hidden inside of a giant, twisted ancient looking bush that is along the bank. I already knew rabbits and birds lived there, I wonder who else calls this protective spot home? I would love for ducks to live near the garden and eat bugs.

It is truly Spring!

I seem to find out about things so late sometimes. I just found out about this movie. I loved the quote on their front page:

"Sit, be still and listen for you are drunk and we are at the edge of the roof" - Rumi, 13th Century

Click here for more on the movie. I can't find it used so I hope a used one will find it's way to my door one day.

I continue to find blogs and websites dedicated to simple living and homesteading. Some of these places have been running for years. Almost daily I find more and more information, there is just so much out there. It seems bizarre that I've been interested in simple living for years and I still manage to "discover" sites, or movies or blogs that have been around for a long time.

I've been working from home since August. My commute is from the bedroom to the desk and it's wonderful. The view from the desk is an old red barn with glassless window frames in the back. The field of yellow dandelions on the other side of the barn shows through the empty panes so that it looks like little yellow boxes on the side of the red weathered barn. If I lean a little to the right, I can see an old yellow house down the road and another field of yellow dandelions. If I lean back and look out the other window, I can see the back porch which is always occupied by at least one animal taking a nap.

By chance an animal lounge has been created on the back porch. An old recliner was put out when my cat had an accident after struggling with a UTI. Since we picked it up for under $20 when we got here, it wasn't too difficult a sacrifice to let the babies have it. I put the dogs' folded up comforter that is their bed and their pillow out. There is a blow up dog house that the cats usually lay on top of and occasionally poke holes in during the required claw extensions of stretching. There is a big piece of scrap carpet also perfect for lounging. We just put a few chairs there for us as well. Now all the animals just hang out there. All the cats and dogs together, staying out of trouble. Rufus the pig is sometimes found on the porch too since he's figured out how to climb the stairs. It's no small feat for a 200lb pig to go up stairs. It's great seeing a few cats curled up together on the lounge chair and at their feet lay a few dogs. There are cats lounging on our chairs and dog house too. I like having them close to the house and this couldn't have worked out better if I had planned it.

My employer has asked me to fly to Houston the first week of June. I have to be there Thursday and Friday, but they said I could come for the whole week if I wanted to. I'm really looking forward to seeing my friends & family, but these trips are always a shock to my system. I'm now used to driving past rolling tree covered hills, cows grazing, rivers, cliffs, old cemeteries and houses. I don't think I could take the whole week in the office. I'm not looking forward to driving to the airport, waiting in lines, going through security, sitting elbow to elbow in a sardine can with wings, transferring planes, public restrooms, overpriced junky airport food (I'm vegetarian and apparently the airlines feel it's too hard to slap a piece of cheese on some bread), renting a car, driving an hour and half to the hotel in the middle of the night and then getting up early to drive in the busy hustle. When I come home from Houston, my nervous system always seems a bit fried. I guess after years of working in that environment I became accustomed to the constant hum and noise. When I go there now, I hear so much humming and noise in the office and everywhere I go. I guess it's the hum of lights and equipment, but it can really be distracting when you aren't used to it. There is just too much stimulation there, too many sensory demands. I am so grateful for what I have and it saddens me that most people are numb to the hum.

I feel so much empathy for people that want out of the city and the office environment, but feel they are trapped and don't see a way out. I don't know why so many good things have happened to me in the last few years. I don't know why I get to live this way and others do not. I wish everyone could live the way they want and could experience other types of lifestyles so that they could even make an education guess about what sort of life they want. People all over the world feel trapped in their lives and so few have been able to find a way out of their prisons. I guess I feel guilty to some extent that so many things have just worked out. Who am I that I should be so blessed? Aren't there more deserving people out there? It seems though that there are many that could get out if only they knew how.

So much of this wasn't planned, but only dreamed of. Things just sort of fell into place every step of the way, things I could never have planned on. But many people have dreams, many people work hard. In Houston there are areas of town where you can pick up a day laborer if you need. Some of them have to stand around a good part of the day hoping for work that may never come. When you drive up, they run over to be the first to tell you they are the one you want. The few times I've used day laborers, I pay them whatever I would pay any other worker here and if they do a good job, they also get a good tip. I treat them with respect like the skilled labor they are and always buy them breakfast and lunch. They are always hard working men and do a great job. Is this their dream though? To stand on hot cement waiting for the chance to make almost nothing while taking the chance that the person picking them up won't drop them back off, won't pay them or worse. Many of them live without their families and in a cramped, run down apartment. I can't imagine most of the people picking them up treat them with very much respect. Why can't they have their dream? What can I do to help people get their dream? Is there anything? I don't know. Who am I to affect a change in any one's life, when mine is still in such a new state of change? Life is many things, but fair isn't always one of them.

I don't have the best job in the world and at times it brings me to tears out of sheer frustration over stupidity. I stay for several reasons though, the main one being I'm only a few years from retirement, have 3 weeks of paid vacation, can work from home (although that's a fairly recent development), and as frustrating as my job is, I know it well. I don't think I have the disposition to learn a new line of work since my brain is already focused on my second "full time job" of being self-sufficient. When you work in an office environment for a large company, you have to check your pride, self worth, creativity, power and logic at the door. Things that should be important are not, and things that are not important are critical. Any movie you've seen about the insanity of working in an office is probably true or even toned down a bit, at least in my case. Working here does conflict with the changes I am making and I do feel torn and even exhausted sometimes as the end of my work day nears from 8 hours of backwards thinking. I'm closer to being able to retire than ever before and as of right now, I see this job as being the fastest vehicle I can use to get to my goal. That's all it is. I have no desire to writhe up any higher on the ladder. I live like a person that makes a fraction of the income I do, so that I can get to retirement faster.

I carefully purchase items that will be needed when I no longer have a steady income; things that will last and that require little or no power. I've lost my courage to up and quit; though I dream about it daily and I was ready to when I moved here - if that is what it would take. So many people are brave and take a total blind leap of faith; I wish I could do that now. Before I worked from home I could. I told them I was moving to NY and I was fully prepared to find whatever job I could when I got here. Now that I've become accustomed to my nice quite cocoon of working from home, I fear having to go back into an office and spending gas on a commute. So I stay, and I count my pennies and the hours till that day when I'll need so little money coming in I'll be able to sell things from home. Once we have finished rehabbing this house, then I can re-evaluate the timing. We scavenge for used materials and only reluctantly buy new when there are no other options. We are many thousands of dollars under budget on fixing this old place up, though to be honest most of that is because the tree fell through the house and insurance paid for the roof. I'm trying not to plan details too far in advance, though loose ideas of plans at least give me an idea of where I'm going. A thousand things could happen betwixt now and then, so I'm hopeful that another wonderful change is coming my way to speed up the process.

I went online once and filled out a retirement calculator. The amount calculated is staggering and frightening. How could this number be correct? What is factored into the monstrous amount? Buying food, utilities and insurance I'm sure is included. Where is the retirement calculator for the self-sufficient? I think these retirement calculators do nothing but keep people in fear, keep them dependent on a job they hate and keep them focused on staying in the middle class job market as long as possible. I think we should all come up with our own retirement calculator. What do I absolutely need when I retire? What will feed and shelter me? For most purchases I ask myself if this is something that will last and will I need it to care of myself when I retire? Can life sustaining systems such as food production and storage of water be eventually semi-automated to provide for me when I'm older? In order to live full time in pursuit of my happiness, I need to retire from this job. I don't want work until I'm worn out just so that I have enough to take care of me when I'm no longer able. I want to work towards making my life simpler and self-sustaining now while I have the energy.

There are many systems that if set up properly will produce food and create a beautiful haven for wildlife with little human intervention. I saw a program once about a Japanese garden where a beautifully stocked coy pond spilled over via a waterfall fertilizing some sort of water growing edible plant. It could have been rice or something else, I can't quite remember. There were a few other wonderful steps in between and somehow the water filtered back through rocks into the original pond. It was all on a self-sustaining cycle just like in nature. The gardener said after it was all setup, he didn't do much to it but eat the produce. I have not been able to find that episode again though. I've also seen beautiful water capturing and cleaning systems that use a reed garden and other plants to provide water for the gardens and household use. Just a simple barrel with a filter under the gutters is a place to start capturing water. I've read articles about a mesh fabric that captures water from fog and provides water to a village. A simple search for self-sustaining gardens will turn up an amazing amount of material, so I have yet to find my Japanese gardener again. I haven't read this book yet, but I hope to someday soon: The Self Sustaining Garden. What value do these systems have in a retirement calculator? How much money would you need to live on if you spend your money now setting up systems such as these? They are in my retirement calculator and learning these sorts of things is in my retirement planning. It is one of the ways I invest my time.

I am looking for a hand-cranked grain mill and flaker. I am putting together a simple household with low maintenance, long lasting tools such as that. I don't think there are too many tools needed since many tools have dual purposes. If a knife will suffice for the job, then I don't need any other fancy cutting gadgets. Having an earth sheltered home with earthen floors and radiant heat will not only provide a beautiful tactile experience, but will help keep the house cool in the summer and warm in the winter and will mean little to no heating and cooling costs. A root cellar or pit will keep many of my food items fresh all winter. Solar panels and wind turbines can occasionally be found used if you are patient and will reduce dependence on a utility company. Metal trash cans are used to store grains in and old timbers used to make raised beds. I doubt any of these are factored into online retirement calculators. So If I have a low maintenance house with no mortgage that requires almost no heating or cooling and is made of natural materials, use solar panels and wind turbines for power, a water capturing system, self-sustaining and traditional gardens, fruit orchards, and I have gotten years of healthy exercise setting systems up and working my gardens; then how much will I need to retire? Suddenly it doesn't seem like so much.

The thought of building a house like this used to seem overwhelming and only for the rich. After meeting new friends and helping out others build their homes, I found out that if you are patient the homes can be built without a mortgage. There is a tremendous amount of wonderful people out there anxious to help the new ones. There are online green building groups. People put out the request for help making and putting up their clay plaster walls or earthen floors and people actually show up to help. I've done it. There are classes that can be taken, and though some are expensive, there are many that are not. There are videos for rent and some can even be found at the library. There are online book swaps and places like half.com where you can pick up wonderful educational resources for almost nothing. There are books like "Earthen Floors" by Bill and Athena Steen that walk you through the process. I haven't been to any of their classes because I found less expensive ones to attend, though they are flexible on the cost and will work with you. You don't have to be rich, college educated or wait till your 65. I have found everything I need to know is either online, in a book or just an email, phone call or letter away. As I've gotten further away from the city, I've met more people willing to help.

I want a retirement of health, beauty, learning, teaching and having enough to meet my simple needs. The faster I do that, the healthier I will be as I age. I don't want to sit on my butt for the next 20 years for 40 hours a week. I want to be out there creating that self-sustaining garden and fruit orchard now. I want to spend my day in movement looking at 3D objects. The more I learn, the more excited I get about how attainable this all is.

Here is a random thought that I doubt will ever fit into a blog posting: Wouldn't it be awesome if someone figured out how to harness the power of chlorophyll to provide for our energy needs? It seems abundant and powerful. Maybe they already have and I just haven't stumbled across it yet.

There's been plenty to keep us busy every day this week getting the garden in. What perfect Spring time weather for the increased exercise. Jeffrey built trellises out of old trim board that he cut in half and made me more bed markers out of old lathe. I used a black marker to just write on them and then pound them into the ground outside the bed. That allowed us to install to the edge of the beds "floating row covers", just a thin fabric that lets light and rain through but it helps protect the plants from bugs. We are growing organically so need to help out bug reduction.

This has also been a week of several big family projects and I've spent all my free time on that, which is why I've been away from here. I have a stack of notes with scribbled thoughts for letters, blog posts and emails that I'm going to work on tonight. I'm glad I keep a scrap pad and pen in my tool belt for those unexpected ideas.

Yesterday I came to the sad realization that the most direct sun any spot gets at this property we are living now (not Crooked Creek) is from 11:30 - 4:30. Before and after that, filtered light and total shade only. There is no remedy for this. I can't believe how drastic the change of the angle of the sun from when we decided the location of the raised beds till now. This is however, the best spot in the whole yard. Most of the yard is shady all day. I've been raising my seedlings in front of two windows. With the sun getting higher and there being less surface area of the book shelf that has light since and there being more seed trays from transplanting yesterday, i have run out of sunshine in the house for them. The house doesn't face in a very good direction, South would have been best. It doesn't take advantage of the sun. So I loaded them up on cookie sheets and took them outside where I put them on top of the dirt in the raised beds. I also like them being outside because I think the wind might strengthen them. Later yesterday afternoon when I noticed that they were then in shade again, I started looking around for another sunny spot to put them in.

Then, like in the movies, the shade was broken by a ray of light. All winter I complained about the location of the compost pile. I had to walk down a slight hill around the house and it was always slippery and too far away. Now, it is the only sunny spot in the yard, centered perfectly as if placed there at this same time last year in the only sun around. The roof of the compost bins are made of corrugated bare (silver) sheet metal and I hold it down with over sized bricks and rocks. Talk about a nice warm spot for my seedlings and they are off the ground away from the pig and dogs. The ridges of the metal were running in such a direction that I could tilt each little tofu container and bread pan towards the sun. Wonderful! Thankfully there are hills that get full sun all day at the Crooked Creek property and I won't have any problems with light on the raised beds there next year. Some people use grow lights to keep their plants from getting leggy and top heavy. I've had pretty good success using the windows till now and the most of the plants aren't leggy. I wanted to try doing it without grow lights and just use the sun like people have always done. Some of the tomatoes were a little leggy and those I transplanted to a bread pan putting most of their stem laying down in a trench and then turned the stem upward and out of the dirt where the leaves started. I hope this will help. It's my own fault, if I would have been more careful about them getting sun in the beginning, they wouldn't be so leggy. I know that you can plant up to 75% of the stem including some of the leaves of the tomato plant and it will grow roots. The online guides say tomatoes need 14-18 hours of sun. They seem to be doing OK now though, I guess only time will tell. Right now the oregano is my pride. It's so pretty and when I hold it's container to water it, I always tell it how beautiful it is. I'm used to growing things in Texas and know that I have so much to learn about living and growing here.

The apple trees at Crooked Creek are infested with web worms. I know birds eat some of the worms and they are having quite a nice feast, however its out of balance and the worms have completely devoured some of the smaller trees. I am trying to learn how to deal with them without impacting the rest of the environment. Some people say just break the webs open and let the birds have at them, but it's to early to tell right now if that is going to work. I'll find out today when we go back over there to check. Some other things I've tried haven't seemed to have much impact either. I hope to find some good information on that today. There are wasps and Bacillus Thuringiensis (BT) spray you can buy, but i don't' want to do that. I don't want to use a tobacco spray anymore. I have some blended orange peels soaking now and might try that this afternoon if I haven't found something better to do. I may just break open the webs I can reach and just leave the rest. A tree can loose up to something like 40% of it's foliage and live. It would seem that just breaking the webs open would have the least impact to the system as a whole out there.

Sometimes on Saturday we like to go about 2 miles down the road to a small diner run by my neighbor that lives about a mile away. She's great just to talk to and has been gardening here her whole life, there is always great gardening advice to be had over a cup of tea. It's also nice to just catch up on the goings on and indulge in silly laughter. The most interesting people come in there. A couple was there that comes in most weekends. They live way back in the woods, no power (not even solar), totally off grid and trying to build a water wheel for power. I always enjoy it when I'm there by chance at the same time. We are hoping to go see their place soon. If you are in this small diner, there is pretty much only one conversation going on. Everyone just joins in on whatever conversation is going on when they come in since the eating area is about the size of my living room. My neighbor that runs the place dug up some wonderful wild garlic for me and some other plant I can't recall right now, something very similar to celery. While we were in there someone stopped in looking for a street for an advertised garage sale. She was pointed in the right direction. In the back of the diner is a small room that she rents to a lady on my forum that spins wool. It's always a treat to walk back into her room to see what she has been working on and to look at all her wares so beautifully displayed. There are twisted skeens of hand died yarn and tied knot scrap rugs, a loom and all sorts of interesting ancient looking contraptions. After planting season, I'm going to see about some lessons. Several of my friends here raise sheep and rabbits for fiber and they all know each other, including the lady that has the small room in the diner.

The garage sale was half a block away, so we stopped by after breakfast and found not only a replacement recliner in great shape for $20 but the most beautiful wooden chairs that fold up with cushions for $1 each. I posted a picture of 2 of them below. They are imported from Romania according the customs tag underneath. We've been looking for weeks for both a recliner and out door wooden chairs. Hopefully the cats won't destroy the seats. While in town last, the cheapest wooden outdoor chairs were $21. Next week is "town day" when everyone in town that wants to, goes in on a giant garage sale. We were planning on finding chairs then, but looks like we got the jump on that!

The apple scions I grafted were not shooting out any leaves above the graft. I was afraid that I had waited too late. All the other trees in the tree nursery were either covered in leaves or had at least already started growing leaf buds. Above the apple graft, nothing. That is until Thursday. About 5 baby grafted apple are waking up. There are the faintest hints of a fuzzy green bud peeking through and it's very exciting. I felt so horrible for taking too long to do the grafts! It is still a good lesson learned about making time for the important things. I should have taken the next day and gotten them done.

Today several seeds that I am late getting in the ground will go in. I bought seeds from two local sources and the 2nd set came in later so I accidentally missed that some of the planting dates had already passed. Also, this week I start hardening the tomatoes for planting outside. This means less water and cooler temps at night. I had better get to the business at hand then. By the way, there are new pictures posted to my photo website. Also, I recently added a folder called "Brookshire forest" of my last homestead I sold.

I heard two songs by chance this week that I thought I would share. One of the songs was an intro to a show I watched on DVD. Someone must have recommended it to me. This show, called Weeds, couldn't be more anti-homesteading. It's about a widow with 2 kids and a maid that lives in a giant house in a nice neighborhood and drives a leased Range Rover. She can't figure out how to keep her family financially afloat, so what does she do for money? She thought selling weed would be a good idea. It's my opinion if people want to smoke weed, that's their business. Selling it is a whole other matter. She didn't look into maybe selling the over-sized, overpriced house and getting rid of the car and maid, nope went straight to path could have her loosing the kids and her freedom. Meanwhile since she's so busy out selling weed, the kids do nothing but watch TV with every light in the house on, play games, have sex with their girlfriend and whatever else typical American teenagers do. It's been on my mind and bothering me since I saw it because I know that even though this is an extreme example, people do have this mentality and live this way. After hearing the song, I was reminded of Mad World from Donnie Darko, one of my favorite movies. After looking up Malvina Reynolds, I realize I may be the last person alive that hasn't heard this song.

Malvina Reynolds, Little Boxes (warning, this song is very catchy and you'll be humming it for days) click here to listen

Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes made of tickytacky
Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes all the same
There's a green one and a pink one and a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses all went to the university
Where they were put in boxes and they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and lawyers, and business executives
And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course and drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children and the children go to school
And the children go to summer camp and then to the university
Where they are put in boxes and they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business and marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.
There's a pink one and a green one and a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same.

Gary Jules - Mad World click here to listen
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow

Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Verse 2
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me

Chorus
And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying, Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Enlargen your world

Mad World

It's hard to know where to start when you first decide to simplify your life. I read about all sorts of things that I wanted to implement. There were and still are so many things that I don't know how to. Sometimes the only thing you have to go on is a book, magazine or an online resource for something that is so foreign to you, someone may as well have tasked you with brain surgery. When people write instructions on how to do something, they are going to make sure they tell you the best way to get the biggest results. Sometimes the instructions were long and complicated, equipment needed went against my goal of trying to get out of debt and I didn't have the kind of time or energy they said I needed. Well it's amazing how many people don't do things "the right way" and still get results. I don't think you have to do things perfectly and by the book in the beginning or sometimes at all. Did early man have an instruction book or expensive equipment when he learned how to grow food and capture water? Don't let complexity keep you away from trying something different to improve your life. A way to get rid of this road block was to focus the research on people that did what I was trying to do the cheapest and easiest way. When you read several sources about the same topic, you can see an underlying theme and pick up what is really important. For example, compost piles. When I wanted to start growing my own vegetables, I knew compost was important. I read about all sorts of ways to compost and it was so foreign to me, I stalled and stalled because I didn't have the tumbler or even the wood to build a 4 sided box. After too many excuses and delays, finally I just started. I found a spot behind the garage and just started putting leaves and grass clippings there, then when the pile got bigger, all the kitchen scraps too (no meat). You know what, it did just fine. I know it would have been much better if I had turned it or applied ANY of the techniques for good compost. I just had to start somewhere. When I finally saw much later how awesome it was that I "created compost", I started getting more interested in it. I kept my eyes out for supplies that I could use to make it better. Now it is something that interests me and even tough I still don't' do it "by the book" I do apply many of the techniques I've learned about and it just gets better and better. I found my current oldest compost pile to be beautifully dark and crumbly after the Spring thaw.

It seems that when I have a project in mind, after reading about it for a while, and finding the common important themes; materials I need seem to be everywhere, just previously un-noticed. Maybe somethign I already have or somethign routinely thrown out by people. The common theme I found with composting was it needed Nitrogen and Carbon or "fuel and fire" or "greens and browns". Green scraps such as grass clippings and food scraps and browns such as straw, leaves, hay, or wood based animal bedding/ kitty litter (only for compost piles to be used in flower gardens if the bedding is used by a meat eater like a cat). Sure if you want to make the best compost ever there is more to it than that. When you are starting out though, who cares. When I realized how truly cool composting was on so many levels, my eyes were always open for composting supplies. I found an old roll of chicken wire and bags bags of leaves by the side of the road, and scrap lumber to build up some sides to keep the animals from running off with all the good stuff. I learned about adding animal manure and soil and other amendments to help it along, but I didn't do any of that in the beginning. When your eyes become open to a new way of doing things, suddenly you see in common, ignored objects everywhere - a means to an end.

Bringing a new task to the front of your mind will help spark small ideas in a moment of lull, relaxation or meditation. I made a short list of things I thought were the most important towards becoming a self-sufficient homesteader. Things I needed to learn more about or needed to implement. If the list had been too large, I would have felt overwhelmed. In thinking about those things often and just glancing at the list every day, an idea would pop into my head on how I could simplify it or made it an affordable task. Even if doing somethign such as growing all your own vegetables will eventually save you money, sometimes you just don't have the money to get it started. My lack of money, know-how or energy wasn't going to stop me. So I started reading about how to save seeds from food I bought from the grocery store and that was as good a place as any to start for my garden. I also found dollar store seeds, which aren't the best but are better than nothing at all. I don't do that now because I prefer varieties that aren't typically found in the store or if they are, have no seed (such as Endive). Because of floods the gardens failed, but for a while it looked good. I just bought seeds from a local nursery to start this garden, but will save all the seeds I can from this year's harvest for next year. Buying locally is very important whenever possible. Just don't let lack of money keep you from gardening and becoming self sufficient, there is almost always a way.

I also started a list of tools or items that I would really like to eventually get to help in my newbie homesteading activities. The items on the list gradually started coming my way or were crossed off because I would get information that it was somethign I didn't really need. Sometimes I'd find things on the side of the road, in a pawn shop, or used and for sale in an ad posted. With a little patience it's amazing that it does work. Before I started the lists and really thinking about my new projects, I don't remember free stuff just coming my way or really much of anything working out (so I thought). I once found an entire giant roll of corrugated sheet metal a mile from my house the day after the pig's house was built out of donated material, but it didn't have a roof. Intuition is very important in changing your life and will lead you places you normally wouldn't go. The day I found the sheet metal I took a left out of my driveway instead of a right. It popped into my head while backing out of the driveway that I wanted to see how big the River was that morning. So I thought I would add the extra 1/4 mile to my commute.

I try to go where intuition tells me and it almost always pays off. When you don't know what you are doing, sometimes intuition is all you have to go on. If you keep reading my blog, you will hopefully find many more examples of how not only information, but supplies, tools and whatever else I need many times finds its way to me when I need them. Another quick example, when we first moved here I didn't know what to do to supplement my pig's bagged food. He always had a large fenced area and just grazed on grass in Texas. When the snow hit up here, he became one grouchy guy. We decided to take the "long way" to town one day so that we could learn the roads and just see what this other road was all about. Someone put a table in front of their house with a big FREE sign. Screeeeeech! I got out to investigate and found more produce than I knew what to do with. The table and ground were loaded with Zucchini, squash, gourds and all matter of fall harvest goodness. I only took a few things for Rufus the pig - not wanting to be greedy. On the way home, I had to drive back by and the table was still loaded down, so I got a little more, some for us too. This house was only about 6 miles from mine, so when I needed to go to town I would drive by. The table rarely emptied. This went on for about 2 months I think. I put a nice note on the table thanking them for providing our food for our first season there. They weren't the only ones that fed us when we first arrived. New friends popped out of the woodwork with extra produce and we all stayed well fed.

Don't let fear of failure stop you from trying. I find that I am pretty good at messing somethign up the first or first few times. That seems to work for me because it makes it easier to remember next time how to get a better result. After messing up a little or sometimes a lot on several projects, I found that it really is OK. I usually ended up having some aspect of the project brought to the forefront that I hadn't previously given much attention to. You rarely forget your mess ups and if that's how my brain learns, then so be it. Does this go against my idea that you don't always have to do things the right way to be successful? Not really, but sometimes you have to learn by trial and error what the really important instructions are and what can be relegated to the optional column. Of course when something is safety related and I could actually hurt myself or someone else, I try to follow the instructions to the letter.

One of the first and easiest things to do is to look into simply replacing items you normally buy with items that are cheaper and better for the environment and your health. "All natural" cat litter is one of the most ridiculously over priced items. Though I'm all for just kicking the cats out and not having a littler box, I've attracted several cats that have mental problems. Some argue that all cats have mental problems and sometimes I agree. I wanted to use all natural kitty litter but was not about to pay that price when bulk clay kitty litter was a fraction of the cost. At that time getting out of debt was the top priority. Then I found out about pelleted horse bedding (sometimes called pelleted animal bedding). My favorite is by Tera-Migo, but I can't get that here. So now I just use plain old Tops horse bedding. The used litter goes into a compost pile for flowers (don't put used kitty litter in the compost pile for your veggies). I put grass clippings, pig manure, leaves and soil in with it so it will break down faster. It was also a great way to reduce household trash. The used bedding bags are then used as trash bags and tied with a kite string from the dollar store (they usually sell string in good sized rolls there). We throw almost nothing away and recycle everything humanly possible, but I'm not at the point yet where I truly throw nothing away (working on it). I produce so little trash though, there is no need to pay for trash pick up and since there is nothing "yucky" in the trash, it just sits till i have 3-4 bags and I drop them at the dump when I have to go to town. There is no food in the trash since it all goes in the compost because we are vegetarians, so there is no smell and animals don't get into the bags. I honestly can't remember the last time I bought trash bags and a box I had when I moved here last August is still under the kitchen sink. I would like to think that eventually I'll figure out how to either get rid of the litter boxes all together or find some way to make my own litter if I still have insane cats that won't go outside. It's not very high on the list right now as there are other household offenders that need to be whittled away first. I suspect that mulch, sand or even just dirt would work fine, I don't see why they wouldn't. For now though, $6 for 35 lbs of kitty litter and a free garbage bag to boot will have to do. You can get pelleted animal bedding at most "feed stores" and you will be surprised to find some in town.

If you think you don't have time to learn about how to make changes to your life, think about how much time is spent watching TV, listening to the radio, commuting to work, playing games, and shopping. How many of those activities take 20 minutes or more? I had to just make time for what was important in my life. That meant I couldn't let a job keep me from my family, friends and improving myself. I learned to say no to working most overtime and started reaching out to help my family and myself more. Not only was I trying to get through some challenging events, but so were members of my family and they needed me too. Someone gave me books on CD that I listened to on the way to work, I read books and magazines about homesteading topics on lunch breaks and when I could, got up a little earlier in the morning while most of my world was still quietly sleeping to get in some important personal time. 20 minutes a day in one focused direction will eventually get you to your destination.

This is a picture of the gate I made to the tree nursery out of chicken wire, an old branch and some scrap rope. It works like a charm.

I found the word "homesteading" through an odd sequence of events. Growing up, I loved being in the country and going to my grandparents house. Though my grandparents had a home near the edge of the city, they spent much of their summer time gardening in the little town where my Grandmother grew up. They always had a huge garden every year that produced more than the family and all their friends could eat. Going there during the summer and vacations was always a favorite time for my brothers and me. We'd fish, explore, ride the go-cart and had freedom to come and go. Sometimes I would sit on the boat dock at the "Big Pond" for hours just looking at everything. It was always an exciting treat to help grandmother in any way she'd let us. Last year one of my brothers and his wife bought my grandparents country place and are working hard making a home out of it with their burgeoning family. I can't wait for the day when the fields are reminded of the bounty they used to produce. I don't know that my grandmother will ever retire. At 85 years old, she is still tending to her garden at their home closer to the city. It used to be considered in the country and is very big and wooded lot right on the edge of town. Jeffrey and I cut out a garden for her before we moved up here and the rest of my family has been helping too, but with only the absolute biggest of work and that is rarely needed . The rest she absolutely insist that she tend to it herself. I just can't believe how relatively healthy their lives have been due to the way they lived.

So I have been around gardening for most of my life and no matter how far I got away from being in the country, the seed was still there; even though it did go through quite a long phase of dormancy. During Y2k (year 2000) testing my life was a living hell. My husband at the time tore 5 disks in his back during an on the job accident and telling the story of workers' comp in Texas could be the topic for a voluminous long-winded diatribe (we were divorced a few years ago and he still isn't fixed as far as I know). I was working day and night, it never stopped, 7 days a week, no vacation, no holidays - I felt barely human. I had almost no help and was living a very unhealthy lifestyle. It was a chaotic 2 years. I've heard it said that Y2k was a hoax, nothing happened, "what was the big deal about". No it wasn't a hoax, people worked night and day, some for 2 years and that is what kept it from being the predicted upset. It came with the most tremendous personal cost I've ever paid. I found through other friends in the industry that during this time, a lot of people were really exhausted and sick. I was promised a break as soon as the Y2k roll over came - as long as nothing exploded. I couldn't wait for the break, I was exhausted and sick to a new level I didn't even know was possible and still remain a functioning human. As many people in corporate life have learned, the break rarely comes, promises are rarely kept. A new "end of the world" project hit immediately. I didn't find out about the project until 2 days before it was due. So I kept going and worked around the clock for those 2 days to get it done. Then something went wrong. I got really, really sick. That's a topic of another blog, but it was hell. I used all my energy to get to work. I just worked as hard as I could to have a normal life and not alarm anyone.

I had to use up all my sick time and then some, ultimately missing close to a total of 3 months. During one of the worst periods I was in bed for days. I couldn't get up except to slowly shuffle to the kitchen and bathroom and in bed I just lay there trying to get the energy to breathe. Every breath felt like it took so much energy. I remember once I was feeling a little better and thought I'd try to vacuum. I did OK with pushing it around, but i didn't have the energy to bend over and wrap the cord back up. Doctors and pills weren't helping. I was trying to figure out how to get better but didn't have the energy, brain power or an ounce of health to do much of anything or make any changes. I wondered if I was ever going to get better. I was trying a few vitamins and herbs that people gave me, but that wasn't working. A Countryside Magazine found it's way to me and when I was sitting up a little in bed one day I started flipping through it. The letters sent in by readers to the magazine reminded me of when we were in the country. It reminded me of a lifestyle. People talked about eating healthy, working the land and just a wonderful lifestyle I was so far away from. My interest in health and living on the land in the country was renewed (I worked at a health food store when I was 16 and my grandmother is all about health and gardening). My health and I were going in the wrong direction. I needed to get better soon. So I subscribed. I don't think I had ever subscribed to a magazine before. I learned about living frugally, online groups & resources, getting healthy, living off grid, efficient earth friendly homes and more wonderful things I had never heard of. When I read the word homesteader and read all the ways people described what that meant to them, I thought - that's it! "Homesteading" was the word I could use to describe what I wanted to do. It meant so many different things to so many different people but they all shared the same underlying root system and were growing in the direction I wanted to go.

So i started with fresh and raw foods and taking the vitamins, minerals and herbs I really needed for my condition. That gave me some energy for movement which gave me the ability to start getting to work every day. Some days I couldn't walk very well and had to take naps during lunch in a co-workers van (thanks Krystal) or on the floor under my desk. As my energy increased and I could tolerate the computer for more than my 8 hour days, I spent my spare time researching and actively working on getting well. I decided on a quest of living like a human being should and being not only healthy in body, but in mind and spirit as well. I'm trying to do that through Homesteading and other complete life changes that will be topics for other blogs. Like John Trudell says "I'm just a human being trying to make it in a world that is very rapidly losing its understanding of being human." I want to be a human being that understands what it means to be human and give to others what has been so freely given to me.

Now at 39, I'm now the healthiest I've ever been in my life in every aspect. Life is simpler and less stressful. My debt is almost gone by learning to live frugally and applying most of my income on nothing but paying off debt. I'll be at zero $ in 2 more payments. When I started it was over $20,000 because of surgery for my ex-husband, health expenses and other unexpected emergencies. So it's really happening, things did change. I knew walking confidently (no matter how slowly and how many times I fell) in the direction of my dreams would eventually get me somewhere better. Much of the residual physical pain from being sick is gone and I've noticed with all this frenetic Spring activity and some serious shoveling, I've had a real reduction in pain. I'm learning everything I need virtually for free and what I need to learn and who I need to meet comes in a sure flowing stream.